Lessons to be learnt

So here I am at 25, finding myself in the sort of situation that every hard working, employed 25 year old should not find themselves in.

Having my bank card declined in Marks and Spencer due to a lack of funds.

Not due to a security alert, or a faulty chip and pin machine.

A lack of funds.

I work full time in a reasonably well paying job and I don't pay extortionate rent or bills, so how have I found myself in this situation I hear you ask? Well the reason is simple. I am utterly ignorant when it comes to taking responsibility for my own financial security. I am an ostrich with its head in the sand when it comes to my bank balance. At anytime in the last month, if you had asked me exactly how much money I had in my bank account, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. In fact, this has been the situation since University. Six years I've been ignoring my bank balance and assuming/hoping/crossing my fingers that my balance would allow me to withdraw more cash.

The rejection of my card was a massive wake up call. I am scheduled to fly out to Europe early tomorrow morning with work and I needed to purchase Euro's to support this trip. I physically couldn't. Let me tell you, it is one of the worst feelings at 8pm on a Tuesday night when you can't get any money for a trip which leaves at 7am the next morning. I literally had nothing.

I am therefore exceedingly, and beyond my own worth, lucky to have been saved by someone I know. I won't go into details of how I received extra funds, suffice to say that it was entirely legal and I am paying the money back ASAP. However, this is not the point. I am disgusted at myself for having allowed myself to nonchalantly carry on ignoring my bank balance for SIX YEARS. That's just beyond insane.

I don't own a credit card and there is no other bank account to dip into. I never got a credit card as I, and I quote, "didn't want to get into debt". So why on earth have I allowed myself to head in that very direction via  frivolous spending? My only, pathetic, answer is that I've been scared to look and I didn't want to let it affect my social life.

I worked it out on the tube home. I think I spent roughly around £200 within 24 hours this weekend, primarily on booze, nightclubs, a taxi and food. I had to lean against the tube door as the thought made me feel physically sick. I didn't give it a moments thought when I spent it - I just flashed my card or cash and got on with it, all because I wanted to have fun and be with my friends. It's an appalling attitude to have towards money when you don't have very much and don't come from a 'Daddy bought me a pony' family. My parents have always been very good with money and have tried to teach me and my brothers to be so as well. However, I'm clearly the fun loving son who just didn't listen. I feel like a let down to my family, and to myself.

Well no more.

I refuse to allow myself to continue going this way. Once I return from my work trip, I am sorting my finances out and getting my life in order for when my new pay cheque comes in next week. I cannot, and will not, let myself get back into my old habit of assuming everything will be ok. I'm just very lucky that all my bills and rent have already gone out for this month, or I could well have found myself out on my ear with nowhere to turn and no one to blame but myself. Utterly terrifying.

I knew that I felt I was losing sight of myself recently, but if anything has hammered this home, this is it.

SORT YOUR BLOODY LIFE OUT SIMON

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