Mark The Day

April 10th. 2013.

Mark this day. For this day is the start of a new beginning for me.

I don't know how best to explain it but something clicked this evening whilst walking home. In amongst the rows of houses, parked cars, twinkling street lights and gently falling rain, I had a moment of clarity. I had a sudden moment of clarity so strong that I actually stopped walking, looked up at the sky and smiled.

I smiled up at the full moon and drizzle. A full blown, flash your gnashers, smile. Thankfully there was no one in the street to see this unexpected and, quite honestly, very un-London occurrence. I should be even more thankful that there wasn't anyone there when I began to sing shortly afterwards.

Yup.

I sang on my street.

I smiled at the moon and sang in the street...

And it felt fucking fantastic!

I'm still not quite sure how to put it into words, but everything fell into place this evening. Suddenly everything that had been holding me back from being 'me' fell away. I realised something and I put it, perhaps less elegantly than I should have, into a text which I sent to someone who's been an amazing support to me recently:

'Guess what'

Their response, of course, was a little confused: 'What?'

'I say fuck being in a bad mood. Fuck letting a short term issue get me so down. Fuck feeling like I don't deserve to be happy. April 10th. Mark the day. A year since this bloody issue started. Now the start of a bloody well positive me'

Their response? Apparently they danced around their room. Between us, we were a singing, dancing and smiling duet. It felt perfect. It was exactly what I needed to confirm that this new attitude was exactly where I needed to head with me life. So it's where I'm going!

A year ago, I started something that has become quite an issue in my life. To name it would perhaps belittle the issue and challenge me to question this new found optimism, so I won't. Suffice to say, things are going to change. Perhaps not right away, but there is a pattern forming and I know exactly how to segregate it from my daily life for the better.

Mark this day. April 10th, 2013. For you, another normal day. For me...

The start of a refreshed, improved, all-singing, all-smiling (and bloody well all me) Simon!

x

Ps - To the unnammed friend. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You'll never know how much you've helped. I hope to repay you in kind one day.